Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
