She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
