yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize