Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
