Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
