you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
