hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
