no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
