You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
