i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
