i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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