Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You have to summon your inner elephant
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
