I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Alive.
So much puke
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
