I seem to have left my pride at pride
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
