I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
so much tequila, so little girl.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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