Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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