did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My vagina just recognized that song.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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