Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A bitchslap is in order.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
