my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
