why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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