: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
