help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
