I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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