Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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