dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
