new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
