I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She bit a glass in half.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
