is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
