Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
