There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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