3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize