Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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