she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
