Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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