On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
