Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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