He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
