You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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