I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
