i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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