at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
