I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
