I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
