Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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