Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
