You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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