this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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