look no pants
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
