the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
