even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The uberlube is also flammable
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
