The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
