I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
