if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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