God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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