I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
