i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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