Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I love having hate sex.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
