she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
