A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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