There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
