Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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