She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
