please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
