I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
