I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
