That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
