My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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