i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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