if you like me you must not know who I am
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
