listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
