I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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