ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
