It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if only i could text you this smell
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
