worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
