he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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