I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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