I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
love makes seman taste better
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
